kllngthefly

04:19 pm: So basically I'm great.
THis is what happened; I was at work and Bill the department manager of both lumber and building materials (I work both of em) had a meeting with the store manager and district manager and they decided to put him at the sommersworth homedepot for two weeks cuz they are behind. HE made ME the manager in his place and I have only been there 3 weeks now. Out of everyone else they picked me the new guy to be the manager, and gave me someone new to train as well, so ya how great am I? Apparently pretty great.

02:51 am: Bleh.
I'm so tired right now, but can't sleep. have to go to work in five hours, pay day too. I went to go look for that hyper caffeneited tea that I have and couldn't find it. Either Mom moved it or I am blind or she threw it away which will piss me off. I have the creepy crawlys real bad right now cuz a spider got on me when I went out for a cigarette a minute ago. I HATE BUGS! So I look damn good when I go to work in khakis and a collared shirt, everyone is like wow you clean up nicely, lol I'm a little conceited. Umm everyone says I seem really happy lately, especially Mom cuz I see her the most. I feel much happier especially since I started working again. I'm still real lonely though, mostly my fault I never take the initiative to ask someone out. . . I'm too fatalistic if it will be it will be. It's gonna be oh so nice to get a paycheck again, cept' most of it is going to my car and then my parents. THis biweekly paycheck shit, is just that shit. Although it will probably help me save money. Umm not much else is up, I'm getting a new tattoo soon. I think I am gonna go for one on my upper right arm (known as a bicep to anyone who has enough muscle to call it that, which I do not) maybe the cross. But I am gonna' go talk to y'all later.

11:59 am: "I'm on top of the world and nothing brings me down."
Work is good, I am so glad to be working again. I quit quitting smoking. Every one at Home Depot is pretty cool, alot of old people and alot of people I went to school with. NOt much to update about. HAven't really seen anyone lately cept' Mouse, supposed to be hangin out with Pete and Amber today. Hung out with Kristin last night. Haven't seen her in forever. UMMM my grand mother is a cunt, that hates us. She scheduled all the family reunions when we were gonna' be busy and doesn't even invites us. And yes it was all on purpose. But whatever. Neway' later y'all.

07:10 pm: Oh man.
Tried to go to the early premier of pirates of the carribean 2 at midnight with Peter and Amber last night both theaters sold out. Saw Josiah and Kurt and Miles and don't remember the other kids name though. Almost ran a couple of stupid kids over last night trying to get there in time, flew by a cop doing 65 in a 25, Lamb of God blaring out of my car. It was good. We all broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes to share cuz' we were dissapointed. We went on this whole rant of how if we tried to do anything else we would be even more so and apparently would evolve into long term apathy. "You need to go buy Bailey some formula." "Whats the point it won't be there and will be just another dissapointement." lol. "BAiley's starving to death.!" "And that to is just another bitter dissapointment." THere was a really drunk guy in cumbys who followed us out and stood next to us while we smoked in the parking lot with his baked and emotionally unstable girlfriend. It was akward, so I started making fun of them. . . they didn't even realize it. I'm so glad to be going back to work, this house is getting real small real fast. I want to go to the Houlka bar again. Neway I gotta go, later.

04:45 pm: So ya.
Workin at the Home Depot now, I've been real bored and real depressed and real lonely lately. I'm real hopped up on caffeine right now. And this past weekend is the first weekend I havent been drunk, as well as most of the week. Lol mom heard me open a beer last week and called me into her room and was like "you know alcoholism runs badly in both sides of the family". . . to which I responded "this is really good beer." *takes a sip* But ya fuck being an alcoholic though, all set with that I'm to retarded to do nething when I'm drunk. That and drinking makes my stomach problems so much worse, thanks mom for telling me after I drank so much. Neway saw Perks today one of my old teachers, wicked nice guy; the one I get all my books from and vice versa. As soon as I get 200$ extra in the bank I'm gettin a new tattoo maybe a new piercing as well. My elbow is still wicked fucked up, swells when the weather changes and is constantly sore. ANd this is a totally random entry. I geuss it's just bullet pointed updates with out the bullet points. But i have to go do something with my self, I'm getting figety.

08:14 pm: shit
i dont like not havin a job i get upset way to easy when i dont and my parents are ridin my ass, its not like i am not lookin you fucks.

10:15 pm: Hazaa! (spllng)
I think I may have successfully quit smoking. I am happy and kinda sad.

09:56 pm: Well. . .
I Have to go find a new job tomorow I walked out on mine today, I got tired of the bullshit. BAsically that was my day. Me at work, got real pissed, left.

01:39 am: Ok Day.
I woke up at like 3 this afternoon, went to washing the skunk off my car. 2 hour job. Hung out with Kevin then we went and visited Amber at work, had some old guy compliment me on my dress, i wasnt wearing one but it kinda looks like it cuz the pants are so big. Then went to go see Peter, back to cumbys to see Amber and Amber asked this girl that came in if she wanted me and Kevin to help her carry her shit, she looked at us both then looked at me and was like I'll take him he's cute. Score I love it, I'm apparently hot here lately, everyone wants me. Lol.

12:32 am: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hit a skunk doing 65 and now its all over my car. I'm pissed.

01:46 am: My own little troubles.
Solitary Rains.
Rains of cold winter days falling upon deadened land, black with decay.
Valliant bravery in the sound of the falling rain brings hope to the desolate heart.
Alone and tribulated a solitary figure stands, stripped and dressed anew in the bitter failings of his own mortal tries, his head hangs.
Bearing a burden not even a god can stand he walks on, indifferent to time.
Trough life and death he has endured, doomed forever to watch it play before his eyes.
Broken and alone, he strives forever to go on empty inside.
Never asked never begged -espacially for this- he gives his pledge to continue to live to those who are apathetic to his cries.
This is the fate of those who stand in the Solitary Rains, suffering with the world oblivious to their pain.

I'm pretty sure everyone has read this before but oh well, I have the pic to go with it this time -my user pic.
I've been feeling really lonely lately and I think of both this pic that Jenn gave me and the poem I wrote inspired by it and my own feelings. This is the first time I have ever actually felt like I needed someone in my entire life. I just want some one I can come home to and love me regardless of who I am besides my parents, just a woman I can start my life with. I've been and put myself through enough to say I have lived more than most, I don't know it all but I know enough to realize I don't need to know it all. I think I have finally put my past to rest and can move on, the pain is receding and the scars are all thats left. I want a new beginning and I think I truly want someone there with me for once instead of standing all on my own. I want to step out of the Rains and into the Sun.

01:57 am: Well. . .
Sorry I haven't been on in a while. WOrked a double shift wednesday -thats 16 hours of hard physical labor- and then left for 7 hours to and went back in, no sleep. Umm went to the houlka -spllng?- bar with peter and amber, it was good. trying to quit smoking (lol so i went to a houlka bar) thats about it later.

02:58 pm: OOOOhhh
this weather is amazing. i fucked my elbow up pretty good at work the other day. blunt force impact trauma. got hit with a runner moving at 85mph and it drove a nail into my elbow. hurt like hell. im good sorry i havent updated and this is kinda short but ive been workin late alot so ya no time. but neway later.

05:49 am: Bleh
Shitty night at work, sometimes I think that they are total morons I work for. Let's put it simply; the job I was on last night uses a big rig, full 18 wheeler. Now picture this trailer ass end up in the air, front buried in the mud with broken brakeline hose connectors and landing gear, truck doing a wheely and stuck like that neither can be moved and you can't get into the trailer because it will fall off the truck completely. Basically I was fucked outof a job and was already soaked and muddy. The whole rig is pretty much a v. I wish I had a camera cuz it was pretty much amazing. My day over all wasn't to bad though. MAnaged to bury my car to the frame today in my yard tryin to get out, now it's dirty as hell and I'm a little pissed bout that cuz I just cleaned it. And yes I washed(inside and out), waxed and applied an overcoat wax sealant on my car even though it has been raining for a week straight or more. Thats how much I love that fuckin car. THis rain is seriously killing me though, my hands are so swollen from it cuz I am devoloping arthritis really badly in them, both of my knees hurt really bad from old injuries that left permanent damage and my back is too. My shoulders are stiff and sore -dunno what I ever did to em but they have always been that way. I've been up since 11 in the morning yesterday and am wide awake. So essentially even though it wouldn't seem that way I am actually pretty good. Later all.

09:19 pm: So ya.
It took me an hour and a half to get to work today just to turn around and come back after an hour. HAd to go through acton and down the part of the hiighway that was still open to get there. -almost lost my car in road wash could see the road floating away as i was driving on it.- I really didn't want to be stuck there until tomorow so I told them my house flooded and I had to go help out. And OF COURSE everyone had to go out and stand on the bridges and jam up traffic so they could gawk at water, what the fuck.

05:47 pm: pretty good.
I had a pretty good weekend so far, hung out with the guys i work with after work friday. my car is a chick magnet some girl flashed us-i think they were all drunk though, being idiots- hung out at shanes after shootin some pool. hung ouy with pete and amber pretty relaxed. so sick of this rain though. apparently a dam in milton is on the verge of bursting, hubbard road was closed off. so on and so on. and for some reason i really like the song gold digger by kanye west, i dunno. whatever. neway later bitches!

12:28 am: HEY!
It is officially my birthday as of 18 minutes ago!

11:20 pm: My weekend. . .
Was pretty much AFUCKIN'MAZING! TOtally hammered apparently going online in Jeremys hero pictures or something. THe gist of it all has been related in Kevin and Jeremys updates already, but hey. Amber scored a pic of me laying in my own puke, playing in it. What a fuckin great weekend. Ahhh hot tub then bed time.

12:12 am: RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR
People suck, work sucks, I suck, money sucks, gas prices suck; FUCK. I've been in a really bad mood lately. Like I told some kid that they were going to die alone, empty, unsatisfied and a failure at the goals they set for themselves. That they were just another face in the nameless mass that no one really cares what they think or how they feel that they just want to use you and then let you rot from the inside out. Then today someone told me to smile cuz I looked upset, so I flipped them off and told them happiness was fleeting and inconsequential. SO basically I am in a horrible mood and don't know why. But after all that I do feel better. And oh ya cigarette prices really fuckin suck. THey kill you why should they be expensive?? Well I'm done, all in all I've gotta say life is good, no matter how much I bitch about things it's all good.


P.s. And I now know what it feels like to be in tear gas and it sucks a fuckin lot.

11:27 pm: Ugh.
Short weekend. Really sucked it was so short. I'm so tired for some reason. I have a craving for something and don't know what it is, so I have been eating evrything pretty much. I really don't have anything to update about. I'm just really bored. so I think I am gonna' go clean my room.